11 Things You Must Do To Take Care Of Yourself In This Crazy, Crazy World

Thought Catalog

1. Take time off to arrange your desk/bag. Stack loose sheets of paper and tab them accordingly with coloured post-its. Colour-code your files on your laptop, arrange them into a square, a rectangle, a cross or a heart for the ambitious. Sit back and admire your work.

2. Do not sit down and rehash memories about the less crazy days in the past. Happy memories only serve to amplify how crazy life is now, and how much you wish to go back to the good ol’ days. Sad memories just make you sad. Instead, create new memories because you have the power to do so. Keep creating memories because they are fresh and refreshing all at the same time. 

3. Think back on all the little things you never expected to happen today, like the lady who came over to share her umbrella with you under the drizzle when you…

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Shit My Dad Says

You might have seen some of these on Twitter already… I tend to tweet about my family when I’m home.

1. “I rented out a room in my first apartment.  I charged the guy the rent for the entire apartment. He didn’t know.”

2. “I used to sell am/fm walkmans at school. Thirty bucks.”

3. When advising Melissa on how to get a job after graduation: “Be like Katniss.”

4. “I’m spending all my money now so I don’t have to give any to the kids.”

5. “Shut up.  Your mom loves pictures, we love pictures.”

6. When they were going ring shopping: “I’m going to go looking poor so they only show your mom the cheap rings.”

7. “I used to breed dogs.  I’d sell them when I walked my own dog.  I’d bring an extra and when kids stopped to pet it, I’d tell the parents, ‘$150 and it’s yours.'”

8. When I told him I did well on a midterm for a class I don’t go to.  “That’s great.  Do we get a tuition refund for you not going to class?”

9. When my parents were leaving for vacation and giving my siblings and I the rules: “And we usually go out for dinner on Fridays, so if you guys want, go to King Henry’s.  Melissa, you can bring Derek.  Matt, you can bring Alarice.  Jenna, you can bring….. yourself… or a friend or something.”

10. When giving me wine at dinner: “Jenna, I don’t know if you’ll like this.  It costs more than $9.95.”

11. When complaining about my mom’s automatic air fresheners: “My food tastes like bounce sheets.”

12. To Melissa: “If you get my pillow from upstairs I’ll buy you a nice gift when you get married.”

Writing to you from the 5:30am VIA…

I figured I would write a little about my hometown since I’m on my way there for Thanksgiving.

Uxbridge is a tiny little town, but it’s my favourite place in the whole wide– JUST KIDDING.

My friends and family are in Uxbridge, so I’m excited to go back, but I can’t say I’m the town’s biggest fan.   Here’s how it compares to Ottawa:

1. Ottawa has bars.  Notice the ‘s’ on the end of ‘bar’.  There’s not just one bar, there are MULTIPLE bars.  And get this: they’re not the basement of sports pubs.  Actually, I should add that the little basement bar in Uxbridge got shut down, so now the number of bars is 0.

2. Ottawa has theatres with more than two screens.  I do have a soft spot for my tiny little hometown theatre, but to be honest, my friends and I usually have to leave town to see the movie we want to.

3. Ottawa doesn’t have tractor traffic.  I’m not kidding… this happens rather frequently in Uxbridge.

4. Ottawa has more 24 hour options. You’re not always forced to choose between Tim Horton’s or McDonald’s, which by the way are probably the most popular places to hang out in that town.

5. Ottawa has more options in general. If I have Boston Pizza one more time….

6. Ottawa has places to shop. Unless you can afford to shop at the swanky little boutiques in Uxbridge, you’re basically S.O.L.  The biggest and most popular place to shop is Walmart.   Feel my pain, people.

7. Ottawa has options for new experiences.  In Ottawa, you can find a new restaurant, a new bar, new people, a new park to walk through, a new store to shop at, etc.  There’s always an option to find something new.  In Uxbridge, new does not exist.  There’s nothing new to see, no one new to meet and no where new to go.  That fact is probably my least favourite thing.

I think I’ll leave it at that for now.

If you do happen to visit Uxbridge one day, try not blink while you drive through it– you’ll miss it.

P.S. In case you haven’t noticed, I really like lists.

To The People I Talk to Most

I thought it would be nice to post some messages to my friends.

Then I decided to not include any names. This seemed like more fun.

So my dear friends, can you find your message?

To the one who thinks i’m too sassy

If it weren’t for you, my midterm and exam grades in my communications and business classes would be absolutely pitiful.  Thanks for being my study buddy.

To the one who also loves Phil’s-osophies

I’m proud of you.  Keep working hard.  A few months ago I wrote you a letter and when you called me all upset because you lost it, I said I would write another.  Sorry I never did.  I promise I’ll write one soon.

To the one I always contact through FaceTime

I miss the days of bets, notes and you going through my purse.  I hope I get to see you soon.  If you ever come to Ottawa, set aside a night for us to hang out.

To the one who prefers ‘Diane’ to ‘Rose’

The other day I remembered ‘necklaces’ and ‘belt buckle’ and couldn’t help but laugh.  To you, I say thanks for always giving me more credit than I deserve and  I sincerely hope things start to work out for you– you deserve the best karma in the world.

To the one who I call so often, she assumes her missed calls are me

We need a day of cocktails and gossip.  In all the years we’ve been friends, we have never gone out drinking together.  We need to change this.  Those lists we love to make will be even funnier. Also, thank you for being the one to always read my pointless posts.  You rock.

To the one who has my spare key

First of all, congrats on finally finding that damn key.  Second of all, cheesy fall photos soon. Third of all, thanks for always listening to me ‘wine’ and complain.

To the one who also uses the 72 hour rule

My life would be rather dull at times if you didn’t let me tag along all the time.  Our days of using the 72 hour rule may be behind us, but I’m excited to see what we each find next.

To the one who always understood my need for walks and chocolate and the good swing

I hope someday you come visit Ottawa for a few days.  We’ll have marathons of  our favourite shows and I’ll buy you a Beavertail… it’s all sugar, so you’ll love it of course.  We can even go to Tim’s so you can shred your cup.

To the one who also says MFSMF

I would really really love it if I could come stay with you for a few days.  We need to hang out sometime when I’m not rushing back home so we can actually catch up without Skype glitching and freezing and making conversation difficult.

To the one who wanted help with math

I know you… If you’re reading this, you’re procrastinating.  BUT, since you’re here… Keep working hard– you’re close to accomplishing your goal.  I’ll see you in a few days!

To the one whose apartment I am in love with

I’m so happy we both have time to hang out on Fridays.  It’s nice to see you and catch up.  We’ll have to go to cabin together sometime soon.

To the one who also loves Scandal

I think we need some sort of weekly tradition.  Start brainstorming.  It has to be awesome.

To the one who knows what ‘H’ refers to

Regardless of the fact that you ended up falling on your head while drunk, I am always surprised at how well you handle alcohol.  Karaoke should happen again… maybe this time we won’t have to sprint to make the train or wind up waiting for the last bus.

To the one who understands just how much I love wine and how little I love reporting

As soon as your season of work is over and you are able to crash at my place, we are having the greatest wine night ever. And keep sending me snapchats!  They make the day more interesting.

To the one who knows how much I love the last word

I would be surprised if you stumbled across this message, but if you’re reading it, thanks for all of the hilariously entertaining conversations and arguments.  I hope you come visit Ottawa sometime soon.

To the one who shares my love of going to Billings Bridge to procrastinate

It’s been too long since we’ve ordered onion rings and pizza.  We should really fix that.  Ps. Thanks for always listening to me go on about the same old shit all the time.

To the one who loves El Jimador

You, my friend, have lots to learn in the next few years and I can’t wait to watch you make mistakes trying to do so.  If you ever need help, give me a call.  I promise I’ll only laugh a little before I lend a hand.

Things I Don’t Understand

Just a few  super important things I’ve been wondering about lately.

1. The obsession with tea. Everyone seems to be in love with David’s Tea and all of the magical flavours and clear travel mugs and all I can do is wonder why I would want my tea to taste like birthday cake. I don’t want to drink birthday cake… I want to eat it. In cake form.

2. Why Everyone Loves Breaking Bad. Guys, I watched every episode. I still don’t get why everyone thinks it is so intense.  Although I think the series was wrapped up well, I found most of the episodes rather boring and repetitive.

3. The excitement over iOS 7.  I thought it was just a software update that most people ignore, like iTunes updates. When I open that, I’m like, “No thanks.  I do not wish to update from version 9.7.7  to version 11.5.3. That would just take time and it seems pointless.” I was a little thrown off when Twitter blew up with excitement from a software update for phones. I mean come on guys, cool your jets… they changed the icons.

4. Instagram. I don’t have it.  I really just can’t be bothered to know what Girl A’s Starbucks order was this morning or what Girl B’s ‘Outfit of the Day’ is. I don’t know what is so #fascinating or #interesting about #pictures with #twelve #hashtags.

5. Why People Think Pinterest Projects Are Easy. I’ve tried the odd DIY project off of Pinterest. They seemed easy enough… Well guess what? All I have to show for it is a ruined canvas that is hiding in my closet and some painted wine bottles that look terrible and occupy the floor of my closet… beside the ruined canvas.

6. Why People Request the Final Stop on the Bus Route. The announcement actually says, “Billings Bridge Station. Last Stop.” I promise you, the bus driver will stop to let you off the bus.

7.  Why People Feel the Need to Share Every Update in Their Life. Does the world really care about your cat or what you ate for dinner? No. But you post about it anyway.  I don’t understand why we do that… For example, why am I posting this list? This benefits no one.

8. Why Tim Horton’s on Campus Only Has One Cash Open in the Morning.  University students need coffee before 8:30am classes. Having only one till open is just stupid. I have to take an earlier bus just to get coffee before class.  And yes, I know I could make coffee at home, but then I would have to carry around a travel mug all day. Not interested.

If you’re reading this, you must be even more bored than I was when I started writing this list. You poor soul. Go do whatever it is you’re procrastinating right now.

Dear Customers (October 6th)

It’s been a while since I’ve complained about my customers…  weird since that’s one of my favourite pastimes.

Dear customers, no… In a buy one, get two free sale, you can’t pick two pairs now and come back another day for the third.

Dear customers, if you’re wearing crocs, I will not take you seriously.

Dear customers, if you’re going to stay fifteen minutes after close, at least buy something.

Dear customers, please don’t let your kids smear ice cream all over my couch.

Dear customers, yes you have to pay tax.  No, paying in cash does not change that.

Dear customers, cut the sass and stop rolling your eyes at me.  I didn’t price the shoes.

Dear customers, stop mumbling.  Use your words.  I can’t help you if I can’t understand you.

Dear customers, all you need to do is tell me the shoes are too big.   Kicking them off at me to prove your point is really unnecessary.

Dear customers, please ask your children to stop jumping on the couches.  And climbing the shelves.  I would also prefer if your 3 year-old wasn’t trying on heels.

Dear customers, I’m sorry, but your child is not allowed to go into the stock room.  Please keep him in the storefront… I’ve already brought him back three times.