Sh*t My Dad Says: Round 3

In honour of his birthday this week, here’s the latest list of ‘Classic Keven’ moments.

1. While Matt was getting ready for prom: “Matt, I told you. Prom isn’t about you, it’s about the girls. What you want doesn’t matter.”

2. To the neighbour before I moved into my grandparents’ house: “Are your boys home? Good. My daughter is moving in next door and needs a boyfriend.”

3. While paying for dinner: “Laurie, can we use your credit card? I can’t see a damn thing.”

4. As students were walking down the aisle at my grad: “100 grand…. 100 grand… 100 grand…”

5. As Matt is DD (in a calm voice): “Matt, hit the fucking brake.”

6. Casually reminding us of the house rules: “Rule number one: don’t upset your mother. Rule number two: refer back to rule number one.”

7. At Matt’s grad: “Three hours Jenna? Are you kidding me? I will pay you off to get me out of here early.”

 Here’s a nice picture of the moment he found out it was a 3-hour ceremony:IMG_0036

8. When my mom said, “everyone says it that way.”: “You know who everyone is? Your mother.”

9. When explaining how he never has to wait in line at a certain office: “I don’t wait. I walk in and they call me right away. It’s fast. Plus I bring them steaks every once in a while.”

10. When obsessing over his car: “I try not to drive at night. Then you don’t get bugs on your car.”

11. When discussing how he’s going to maintain his diet on his cruise: “I’m not really going to eat anything on the cruise. I’m going to save my calories for the booze. I have the unlimited drinking package.”

12. Further explaining that plan: “Rye and diet: 100 calories. Domestic beer: 157 calories. A good calorie intake for the day is 1200. Do the math.”

13. In a text when I said I would come into work on my day off: “You Da Bestest.”

14. While my mom is DD-ing us back to Uxbridge: *reclines passenger seat all the way back* “Whoaaaaaa this thing just keeps on going, eh?”

15. When my mom asked what the hell he was wearing: “What…? I match. Plaid and plaid…”

Apparently this outfit is acceptable:

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Then again, I also saw him wearing this once:

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Classic Keven.