Ladies, let’s chat.

Ladies, we need to talk about something. I don’t know how well this one is going to go down, so maybe take a moment to go and grab that lemon, that chase, that honey, that spoonful of sugar – whatever you need to make the medicine go down – and continue on.

Let’s have a little chat about dating and hypocrisy.

Note: If you don’t want to read this whole post, at least read and remember this:

Take responsibility for your own actions.

** write that 10 times

Well look at you… you’re still reading. Thanks for sticking around. Let’s get to it.

If you’ve hung around me lately, you may have heard me say I have two rules for my friends and for myself: Own your decisions and handle your shit. In this post, I’m going to try to keep the rant to a minimum (it’s a struggle for me, so you’re welcome) and just focus on the first one, because that one just happens to be annoying me more at the moment. What I’ve been noticing for a while now is that when something in our personal lives doesn’t work out, we can be quick to place blame and pretend nothing we did ourselves factored into that outcome. We fail to take responsibility for the decisions we made leading up to that point.

That needs to stop.

What also needs to stop is how we often get so mad at guys for doing some of the things that in my opinion, are just common occurrences in this messy game that is dating in 2016. To reiterate: WE DO THEM TOO.

I once wrote a list titled, “The 15 Guys You’ll Date in University.” It was first published on this little blog of mine and I wrote in the beginning that every guy on the list was based on either a guy in my life or the life of a friend. *Cue the guessing game and some hilarious text messages*. I thought it was a fun list, so I submitted it to a student-run site for other people to read.

I promise there’s a point to this story…

When it was posted, it was shortened to 12 guys. That’s totally fine; I expected them to shorten it. I had resubmitted it with 16 guys after adding one more for a friend. What bothered me was which guys had been deleted.

The ones removed were all scenarios on the list where the girl was really accountable for the fling/relationship/whatever you want to call it ending. That frustrated me (as did the ADDED grammatical errors and emojis. I DON’T DO WINKING FACES). It frustrated me so much that I didn’t even share the published article. I even emailed the editor to see if she could find out for me why the copy editor took those ones off the list. She was nice enough to investigate and got back to me explaining that the copy editor wanted to shorten it and felt “those ones were the least relatable.”

Least relatable? Girls…. Sometimes we fuck up. Sometimes we break hearts. Sometimes we turn a good thing into a mess. Why is admitting that something which is considered “not relatable”?

We need to take accountability for the roles we play in our failed relationships. Sometimes we do get hurt and didn’t do anything to warrant it. Sometimes the guy is just scared. Sometimes people move. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control. But so many times, we pretend we had nothing to do with the crash and burn of the relationship when we actually did. It’s bullshit.

Let’s play a little game of check yourself. Can you honestly say you have never ‘ghosted’ or ‘faded out’ on a guy before? You’ve never ignored the morning message from the guy you gave your number to at the bar the night before? You’ve never flirted with a guy while you’re in a grey area with another? COME ON. Now think about this: have you ever ranted to your friends about how “shady” some guy is because he did any of those things to you?

There’s an awful double standard here where if a guy stops texting you, or a friend, he’s a despicable person who has no regard for the feelings of others. But when girls do it we say things like, “we haven’t been seeing each other long and we’re not even dating, so I don’t really owe him an explanation.” And then we sip our wine, nod along with our friends and go on thinking it’s completely acceptable. Fast forward a few months later and we’re gulping that wine, talk-yelling about how what’s-his-face is so rude for ignoring your messages.

In these situations, there are two things to remember:

  1. If you can do it and not be shady, so can he. If something was acceptable for you to do, it’s acceptable for him to do. That’s called being fair.
  2. If your relationship isn’t working out, you may be part of the problem. Nobody’s perfect, so stop acting like you are. That’s called reality.

In my opinion, it’s nothing to be ashamed of—being the one who caused the end. So something didn’t work and you chose to cut ties. Good for you. Way to make a choice. We don’t need to always be the one crying into the ice cream. We don’t even need to be the ones waiting around to get asked out. A few months back, a friend of mine told me that a girl had a beer sent to him at a bar. Good for that girl. Way to be bold. My point is men and women are even in this game. Stop pretending otherwise.

mic drop

Just kidding… one more little note to finish off this rant…

If you’re that girl who is trying to support a friend who just got dumped or ghosted or whatever, don’t start shredding the guy’s personality, appearance, attitude or anything else. Your friend already feels like shit – don’t pile it on further by making her feel like she was foolish for falling for the guy in the first place. The “I told you so” attitude is the last thing she needs. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the sister solidarity, but maybe try something along the lines of, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out. You deserve better than that.” Okay? And let’s not forget – once upon a time, at some point, you might have done the same thing he did.

Sh*t My Dad Says Round 4

Can’t start off 2016 with 2015’s quotes still in my phone….

1. When looking at the debit terminal at a restaurant and realizing he can actually read this one: “Now THIS is a good font.”

2. When Melissa mentioned mom had wanted to go to an Air Supply concert: “Seriously…? SERIOUSLY? No. Come on…. Oh wait, damn… we were away.”

3. “I woke up choking, I’m coughing and she turns over and goes, ‘shh!!’ I’m dying, but sorry I’m loud.”

4. While mom was firing up their popcorn maker: “Is this Orville or are you saving that?”

5. When I had to send Matt a message from dad’s phone because he didn’t have his glasses (because he NEVER has his glasses): “Is it green or blue?” “Blue…” “HE’S SUPPOSED TO HAVE HIS FUCKING DATA OFF.”

6. While ranting about Matt’s obscene monthly data usage: “He’s off the plan! He’s going to call his phone and it’s going to say this number is not in service. You know what he’s going to have to do? He’s going to have to call Bell and say, ‘hi, my name is Matt. I’d like to activate a plan please.'”

7. “Your mom’s attitude sucks lately.”

8. While feeling proud and generous: “I let your mom have the window seat today on the airplane.”

9. While talking about nose piercings: “A long time ago, I asked my kids not to come home with silverware on their faces.”

10. “I sold poppies one year. I never took less than five dollars. I made the most.”

11. While explaining how bright the alarm clock my mom bought is: “If you put the clock on top of the house, everyone driving by would know what time it is.”

To further illustrate his frustration, here’s a screenshot of the text he first sent me about it.


To be fair, when he’s not using the flash on his phone, it is pretty bright…

12. While my parents were away, my bother took the spare room mattress to his friend’s house and stayed there. It was taking a while for him to bring it back: “If that mattress doesn’t come back, the internet is going to have a serious problem. It’s gonna be broken.”

13. After getting free parts for the ovens at our family’s store: “Hey…. You don’t ask, you don’t get.”

14. About dieting: “I’m falling off the wagon. The good thing is that wagons have low sides, so when you fall off, you can get back on.”

15. When I heard my voice on a video from Christmas and said my voice sounds terrible on video: “No, that’s how it sounds all the time.”

16. When giving me advice for dating: “Put a sign on your car that says, ‘looking for the right guy.'”

Classic Keven…

Sh*t My Dad Says: Round 3

In honour of his birthday this week, here’s the latest list of ‘Classic Keven’ moments.

1. While Matt was getting ready for prom: “Matt, I told you. Prom isn’t about you, it’s about the girls. What you want doesn’t matter.”

2. To the neighbour before I moved into my grandparents’ house: “Are your boys home? Good. My daughter is moving in next door and needs a boyfriend.”

3. While paying for dinner: “Laurie, can we use your credit card? I can’t see a damn thing.”

4. As students were walking down the aisle at my grad: “100 grand…. 100 grand… 100 grand…”

5. As Matt is DD (in a calm voice): “Matt, hit the fucking brake.”

6. Casually reminding us of the house rules: “Rule number one: don’t upset your mother. Rule number two: refer back to rule number one.”

7. At Matt’s grad: “Three hours Jenna? Are you kidding me? I will pay you off to get me out of here early.”

 Here’s a nice picture of the moment he found out it was a 3-hour ceremony:IMG_0036

8. When my mom said, “everyone says it that way.”: “You know who everyone is? Your mother.”

9. When explaining how he never has to wait in line at a certain office: “I don’t wait. I walk in and they call me right away. It’s fast. Plus I bring them steaks every once in a while.”

10. When obsessing over his car: “I try not to drive at night. Then you don’t get bugs on your car.”

11. When discussing how he’s going to maintain his diet on his cruise: “I’m not really going to eat anything on the cruise. I’m going to save my calories for the booze. I have the unlimited drinking package.”

12. Further explaining that plan: “Rye and diet: 100 calories. Domestic beer: 157 calories. A good calorie intake for the day is 1200. Do the math.”

13. In a text when I said I would come into work on my day off: “You Da Bestest.”

14. While my mom is DD-ing us back to Uxbridge: *reclines passenger seat all the way back* “Whoaaaaaa this thing just keeps on going, eh?”

15. When my mom asked what the hell he was wearing: “What…? I match. Plaid and plaid…”

Apparently this outfit is acceptable:


Then again, I also saw him wearing this once:


Classic Keven.

Dates vs. Interviews

After sifting through the options online, you’ve sent a few messages back and forth… You’ve been wired with anticipation each time you hear that satisfying ‘ding’ of a new message reaching your phone. You click on the message to find a request to meet up in person. This is it. You reply, set a time and call and text everyone important in your life to tell them the news. Excitement builds, nerves settle in and the wait is excruciating.

To pass some time, you read various tips in articles and talk to your friends about it—you don’t want to mess this up after all. This could be the one. You head to your closet and pick out the perfect outfit. After trying on multiple combinations and standing in front of your full-length mirror, you send your most brutally honest friend a picture to see if she agrees that it’s what you should wear. You get her approval and you’re ready to go. You have your questions and talking points prepared, your outfit is on point, you’ve read advice for success, you’ve triple checked the time and place you’re meeting at. You are prepared.ross3

When it’s time, you walk into the room and see the person you’re supposed to meet. You say your awkward hellos and sit down, thinking to yourself, “calm the fuck down. You’re going to do fine. You’ve got this.”

After reading that, are you thinking this is a date or a job interview? See, the lovely Emma Josephine helped me realize last night that finding a boyfriend and finding a job are the same process.

Dating sites are the job boards of the relationship world where you may find something that works, but you’re going to have to weed through a lot of creepy, questionable options before you find one that seems like a good idea.

The get-to-know-you dates and interviews are the same damn thing. You’re seeing if someone is a good fit and one wrong answer can matter more than you expect.

The guy or girl who says, “I don’t want anything serious right now” and wants to be casual is like the employer who warns that your internship will not lead to a job: non-committal.

The guy or girl who says, “this date was great, but I think I just want to be single,” is like the employer who you interview for, only to be told later that they decided not to carry on with that position.

A good date is the same relief and excitement as a good interview—it makes you think it will lead to something more.

A bad date is the same disappointment as a bad interview—it makes you feel like you’re stuck and life just isn’t moving forward.

Basically, being single is like being unemployed—you’re always asked about it and people say encouraging things like, “Oh, sweetie… You’ll find someone/something soon” and “You’re so great! Someone/something will come along” and “I’ll let you know if I hear of anyone looking for someone like you!”

Finding a relationship can be just as frustrating as finding a job and at times it can seem like there’s nothing suitable available. They are equally as difficult and if you’re dealing with both at the same time, well I’m sorry… I’m not very good at comforting people, so maybe just read one of those above comments…

I will say this though: For all of us in one or both of those situations, at least we get credit for trying. Plus, we probably have some damn good stories to tell during wine night.

wine night

Sh*t My Dad Says: Round 2

Just a few more quotes from Kev.

For the record, my dad is aware that I keep this list on my phone. He loves it. He’s constantly requesting that I read out the quotes when we have company over.  It’s like he thinks he’s funny or something.

1. When reading the bill at dinner without his glasses: “Can’t read shit.  Looks good.” *Takes out credit card*. When my mom asked if he wanted to know the total: “No. It looks like a big number…”

2. When telling us about when my mom moved in: “It took her six months to stop asking if she could have a cookie.”

3. When discussing childhood: “I didn’t have friends. I had dogs.”

4. While drumming on the steering wheel: “You know I’m all about the bass, ’bout the bass, no trouble.

5. When I told my parents I went to the Panda Game with my friends and they didn’t believe me: “You went to a football game and it wasn’t a date… Right… Because I remember all the times we watched the Super Bowl together…”

6. When discussing me moving in April: “You have until April to get a boyfriend. I need the guy to help me move your furniture.”

7. While I was borrowing my grandmother’s car for the winter: “Jenna, part of having the car is washing it when you can no longer see out of the windows. I just called to tell you that.”

8. In the background while I’m on the phone with my mom: “Tell her to do the assignment she’s procrastinating right now!”

9. When Melissa was talking about her discussion with her students about who does more cooking in their families: “Did you tell them our kitchen is closed until Christmas?”

10. When he sent a text with a picture of my mom at the stove: “Yes, it is Laurie.”

11. In response to my mom saying he messed up banking: “I don’t really know what your problems are and frankly, I don’t care.”

12. While teaching him to play a simple family domino game, Mexican Train: “You guys are pissing me off with these f***ing rules.”

13. When talking about the separate lounge area they bought into on a cruise: “Well Gen Pop is too crowded.”

14. My mom goes by Laurie. Legally, her name is Laura, which is what is on her cruise ID. When back at home after vacation: “I like Laura. Laura really likes Rye and Cokes. Laura’s more fun.”

15. When I told him I hit a savings goal I had set: “Okay good. Lend me some cash so I can keep Princess Laurie in the lifestyle she is accustomed to.  She is becoming high maintenance.”

16. My siblings and I have a shared data plan. My brother chews up almost all of it well before the bill renews on the 10th of each month. When I sent him a message saying, “It’s not even November and Matt has blown through 2.5 GB”: “Yes dear.” No further comment…

17. Back to the private lounge area on the cruise. It’s called Vibe. Only 60 spots are available and it’s first come, first served. He sent me this from the ship: “We are out of Gen Pop. I pushed my way into first in line.”  He takes this shit seriously. Just to emphasize that point, here’s a picture of him on a recent vacation where he and my mom were the first people to make it through check in. That tag he’s holding says ‘Group 1’. Please note that NO ONE ELSE IS THERE YET.


18. The time he sent me a text when they were almost late to the cruise port because of traffic and would have missed Vibe: “Almost didn’t get it. I was scared. The idiot cab driver did not take the tunnel like I told him to. I actually made the cab pull over and took my luggage out and started walking from downtown Miami. Your mom was freaking.”

19. In case you haven’t yet clued in, my parents really like cruising. On their latest vacation, they went sailboat racing. In front of everyone on board when the boat was rocking back and forth: “Laurie, don’t fall overboard! Who’s going to do the laundry!?” 

20. And the best one: “Are you going to add that to your list…?”

Classic Keven.

Shut up, zero IS a size.

December is coming. I love December. I’m usually on a high from mega sales for Black Friday and Christmas is nearing, which means it is once again socially acceptable to listen to Michael Buble’s Christmas album. December is a magical and happy month, except for one little trend that I’ve noticed. And the -25 degree weather– not a fan of that either.

Each year in December, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show airs. And each year, people bring up the issue of body image– not surprising since it’s a show of petite (please notice the use of the word petite instead of twiggy, anorexic or any other derogatory term for skinny people) women strutting down a runway in lingerie.

Cue the “skinny vs curvy” campaigns… plus a long stream of tweets about going to the gym the next day.

Now let me be clear here. I like that there is a discourse about body image.  I completely agree it is a problem that there is a serious lack of confidence in women and young girls today. I do not think it is fair that you see more size 2 models than size 6 or 12. I do not like that size 8 is what the fashion industry calls ‘plus size’. I like that people are taking a stand and challenging this ridiculous idea that beauty is defined by size.

Now here’s what I don’t like.

I’m not sure who decided that the best way to combat diminishing body confidence was to teach people to put down skinny people, but it’s not right and it doesn’t solve the problem. That just shifts the hurt from one size to another.

There are two common campaigns that I often see, especially around the time of the VS Fashion Show.  The first is “zero is not a size”.  The second is “real women have curves”.

Seeing those campaigns now, I get annoyed. I don’t feel less confident, but that’s because I’ve learned my lesson about not letting other people dictate how I should see myself. I’m a confident person woman, but it took me a lot of years to reach this point.  If I were looking at these campaigns as a young teen, I’d be unrolling my sweater sleeves to hide my tiny wrists and making a note to buy more long-sleeve shirts. I had so many people point out how skinny I was in early high school that I wouldn’t wear short sleeves unless I had a sweater. I remember in later high school years liking skinny jeans, but thinking I couldn’t wear them because my legs were too small.

Everyone struggles with confidence. If you can honestly say you don’t and never have, congratulations, you should write a book. But I don’t think that’s the case for most people. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to assume the vast majority of us have had low self-esteem at some point. Guess what? Some of those girls are skinny. Gasp!

My self-esteem was probably lowest from age 12 to 14.  My peers were shopping at stores that sold clothes I couldn’t fit into and there was nothing I could do about it.  I’ve always been one of those people who struggles with gaining weight.  At age 12, I was 72 lbs. It took me until I was 17 and in my first semester of university to tip the scale over 100 (I’d like to thank Tim Horton’s and the residence dining hall for the help). Being underweight made it difficult to make the transition from kids stores to teen stores and I hated clothes shopping because nothing fit.  Looking back, it’s probably why I became obsessed with shoes and accessories, but that’s beside the point.

Not being able to dress the same as your peers makes those painful awkward years so much worse.

For me, the worst was bathing suit shopping. I have a very distinct memory of crying in a change room because I tried on the last bathing suit I had selected and it didn’t fit.  It was the last bathing suit from the last store in the mall that my mom could think of that might sell a bathing suit I could buy. I was devastated and felt so defeated and frustrated. I was young at the time. My friends weren’t yet wearing bikinis, but they were able to find things that fit.  It got worse when they could buy bikinis and I was wearing the same bathing suit as my neighbour who is four years my junior.

When I wasn’t crying over bathing suits, I was struggling with pants.  Everyone started buying jeans from Garage or American Eagle and I was trying to buy denim that had no details on it that could give away the place I bought it, which was usually the kids section somewhere.

That’s why this “zero is not a size” thing pisses me off. Zero is a size. In fact, so is double zero. Double zero is the size that let sad little 13 year-old me start shopping at stores designed for teenagers.  Double zero saved me from the kids section and kickstarted my shopping habit. Don’t tell me zero is not a size. I’m now 21 and I’m still a size zero in most places. Does that mean I’m not a ‘real woman’?

No? That’s crazy? I thought so, too. Please, pass that reaction along to whoever came up with “real women have curves.”

If you’re a girl, I’m sure you’ve seen those charts online or in change rooms that show the different body types we’re supposed to fit into. Apparently, we can be characterized into seven body types. I swear it used to be four, but all of a sudden there’s this expanded version. Now it’s not just ‘hourglass’, it’s ‘neat hourglass’ and ‘full hourglass’. I thought I was a rectangle, but apparently the system has been kicked up a notch and I’m actually a ‘lean column’. The characteristics listed for ‘lean column’ are: narrow shoulders, flat chest or small bust, small and non-defined waist, and narrow hips and flat bottom.

Dear boys, I’m single. Line up.

Okay, back on track… the point is I definitely don’t have curves. Apparently that means I can’t be a ‘real woman’. That’s bullshit. I may not be able to wear a plunging V-neck dress or shirt, but that doesn’t mean I should be ashamed.

My point here isn’t to get some pity and make you want to come give me a hug. In fact, I have a thing about personal space, so I’d really prefer if you didn’t do that. My point here is to hopefully make you think. Next time someone posts a picture of a skinny model and captions it with something pointing out how gross it is that you can see her bones, remember that some people are that way naturally and they’re reading that, too. Actually, that comment probably just highlighted some of their deepest insecurities.

It’s not fair to push other people down to make yourself feel better and that’s what these campaigns do. Size shaming is hurtful regardless of the size you’re putting down. I understand people are trying to point out that girls should be healthy and eat well instead of trying to look like the models they see in magazines or on runways, but it doesn’t necessarily come across that way.  And it doesn’t necessarily make girls stop trying to lose weight, it likely just makes them want to stop before they get to a zero.

The campaigns that are on the right track are the ones that advertise that every body type is beautiful.

It is absolutely ridiculous that people want a round of applause for posting these images that are so hurtful to girls who may be struggling with their body image.  I get that their heart may be in the right place, but stop being so selective about who gets to be deemed pretty. Imagine if someone posted a picture that said ‘size 14 is not a size’. The social media storm that would unleash would be insane. Please explain to me why it’s appreciated from the other direction.

We need girls to understand that size does not determine beauty and confidence is about loving yourself, not just your waistline or cup size. It’s time that people realize this needs to be done without stripping away someone’s confidence to take it for themselves.

The 15 Guys You’ll Date in University: The Realistic and Relatable Version.

Cosmopolitan and Buzzfeed have both done similar lists to this, but I couldn’t help but make one myself.  I think everyone can relate to a few of these.

What made writing this list so fun is the fact that each guy listed below is based on either a guy in my life or in the life of a friend. Making this was an absolute blast.

1. The DIY Pinterest Project
He’s the one that doesn’t turn out the way you expected, even though it made so much sense. You had the materials. You could see what the outcome was going to be and you wanted it. It was so close and started so strong. But somewhere along the line, you screw it up and it doesn’t end up nearly as glamorous and perfect as what you thought you could make it. In the end you’re just left questioning why you thought you could pull this off while you hide the evidence of your failed attempt in the back of your closet.

2. The Campus Wi-Fi
He’s the one that’s flaky. He’s there… you know it, but you can’t connect. You try multiple times, but you don’t get the response you want. And if you do get a response, it takes forever. But then you’ll have a day where he doesn’t cut out or disappear or disconnect. He’s there for you and things just run so smoothly and you forget that you spent the last few days ranting about how annoying it is that the signals aren’t strong enough—until he reminds you the following week.

3. The New Arrival That’s on Clearance
He’s the one that’s a rarity. He’s the one that you find and then go home to call all your friends about because you just can’t believe you actually found something so perfect. He’s that one that’s the one—he’s what you want but doesn’t cost you everything you have. There’s a rule about finds like this. When you call your friends to tell them all about your wonderful luck, you must tell them where you found it and if it comes in their size and favourite colour.

4. The Lame Movie
He’s the one you go to because it looked so promising, but you just end up disappointed because it ran way too long and the ending sucked. You wish you could get your investment back since it really wasn’t worth it, but you know that won’t happen. You feel let down, but you just move on and hope that the next movie doesn’t make you feel the same way this one did.

5. The Bottle of Wine
He’s the one who turned into your best friend. When you first start drinking wine, you think you’re in love. You finally feel fearless and confident. But over time, the love changes. You begin to realize that you love wine, but you’re not in love with it. Eventually, it becomes your dependable friend that you turn to when everything else falls apart. Wine will always be there to comfort you and give you that confidence back when you lose it. It’s a strong bond, but it’s a friendship, not a relationship.

6. The Sparkler
He’s the one that you only get to enjoy for a short while. You love the time you have where sparks are flying and shedding light where it’s dark. You’re smiling and taking cheesy pictures because that’s just what you do when sparks are involved. But unfortunately sparklers burn out and they do so quickly. In the end, you just have memories and pictures of the good time you had. Break out the bottle of Pinot. And by bottle, I mean bottles.

7. The MacBook
He’s the one who isn’t user friendly. At first, you’re excited to have this MacBook. It’s yours and although it’s complicated, you’re looking forward to figuring out how it works. That seems like a fun challenge since you were getting bored of simple PC’s. However, that excitement begins to wear off when everything you knew about computers doesn’t apply to this one. It works in its own mysterious ways. And just when you start to get along and have figured out the tricks to spending time with your MacBook, it gets mad at you, flips you the rainbow wheel and freezes. As annoying as it is, you know it needs time to shut down and take a break before you can even consider trying to figure out what happened this time.

8. The “No Deal”
He’s the one that is good enough, but not as exciting as the thrill of what’s in the next box. The banker has already called and offered you a deal. It really is enough. You could definitely make things work with what he’s offering. Howie Mandel even told you so. After all, you went into the game knowing you may come out empty handed, so walking out with a decent deal could be satisfying. But can you settle with this deal when you know that pressing that No Deal button could lead to something better? No. You can’t. It’s going to be no deal, Howie. No deal.
You decide to leave this one behind and go for the excitement of picking the next box—even though it means risking picking the wrong box and having to live with regret when you can’t get your old deal back.

9. The Manicure
He’s the pretty one that you treat yourself to every once in a while even though you know it’s never actually going to last long. It’s only a matter of time before the chips start and you’re forced to wipe your nails clean. You always say it was a waste, but deep down inside you know you’ll be back again.

10. The Game of Clue
He’s the puzzling one. The relationship died, but what happened is unknown. You want to know the cause of death, but it will require some investigating. Who caused it? How did they do it? Where did it all go wrong? You’re a suspect, he’s a suspect, that ‘friend’ you’re pretty sure he loves is a suspect. You don’t know for sure and you have no idea what the weapon of destruction was or where the murder happened, but you plan on finding out. Accusations will be made.

11. The Dragon Fire Roller Coaster
He’s the starter one. He’s the first one you try out to see if you can handle roller coasters. It’s a good choice. There aren’t too many steep hills that make you feel like you’re about to fly off the track or crash to the ground, but there are still a few small loops to give you a few thrills without scaring you. It moves fast, but not too fast. When it’s over, you know you enjoyed yourself, but you’re ready for something a little crazier and a little more exciting. You move onto the next coaster, but you will always appreciate that first one.

12. The Bad Hair Cut
He’s the one that didn’t work and everyone knows about it. At first you thought you could pull it off. You told everyone that you thought it would work out so well. With that cut and your cheekbones, it was going to be a perfect match. But of course what you thought would work didn’t. In the end, everyone knows you went for it and hated it and now you have to pretend you don’t even care while you wait for time to pass so it grows out and people forget about that mistake you made. Quick, delete the photo evidence.

13. The Shoes You Can’t Break In
He’s the one who hurts you. When you first go out in that new pair of shoes, you think it’s going to be a great. You look good, you feel good and you’re pretty sure every other girl is jealous of you. But then things take a turn for the worse. The first night you go out with those shoes you come back with a blister. It hurts, but it’s not so bad. But then you go out again and when you return home you’re in more pain than you were last time. You thought it would get better, that the shoes would start to fit your feet the way you wanted them to, but they don’t. You may try a few more times, but they still cause you pain. And that’s when you take them off and promise to never wear them again. They aren’t worth it.

14. Your Shade of Lipstick
He’s the one worth standing up for. When you finally find a shade of lipstick that you love, it doesn’t matter what everyone else says. You stick with it. Your friends may tell you the colour is a bit too much and your mom will probably think it’s obnoxious, but you don’t care. If that shade of lipstick makes you feel like your best self, ignoring everyone else’s comments is worth it. You never know, maybe eventually they’ll warm up to the colour.

15. The Song Featuring Nicki Minaj
He’s the one with the turn off. Everyone loves finding new songs. You blast it in the car and try to sing words that you don’t know as loud as you can because you just don’t care. The song is too good not to. Then all of a sudden Nicki Minaj shows up to sing a verse and ruins it. The song just isn’t that good anymore. You have to choose: accept the annoying Nicki Minaj verse and keep listening to the song or change the station and let it go.

How do people ever focus in the library?

Like most university students, my calendar is packed with menacing red marks signalling pre-reading week deadlines that I really don’t feel like dealing with.  So naturally, to cope with the stress that is weighing me down, I turned to Netflix.

After spending all of the free time I had the last few days watching Prison Break, falling for the “Next Episode” trap that tests my willpower every 40 minutes, I realized that I needed to find a way to overcome this binge-watch situation and move on to being productive.

My brilliant plan? Read all of the episode summaries for the remaining two seasons I haven’t yet watched.  That seemed smart. If I knew everything that was going to happen, I wouldn’t feel compelled to watch the rest of it, right? Wrong.  I’m too attached the show… I have to watch it to the end– even though I know what that end is.

Knowing that if I tried to do work in my apartment this morning I would just migrate to the couch and push that tempting red Netflix button on the remote, I headed to campus.  I figured if I trapped myself in the library, I would definitely get some work done.

Wrong again…

I don’t know how anyone gets anything done here.  I’m in the newly renovated area on the first floor and this place is FULL of distractions.  The people watching you can do in here is most distracting.  It’s bad enough that you can watch people through the windows that face the quad.  The unusual things in here just make it worse.

Not to sound like I’m writing a boring academic paper, but… for example, s

o many people in here aren’t wearing shoes.  They’re just lounging around without them.  I distracted myself looking around to see how many people I could find without shoes on. My count so far is 5 by the way.

Then there’s the distracting art.

There’s some sort of statue across the room that I just do not understand.  I debated sending a picture to my friend who is in the Fine Arts program at Guelph, because that’s just a great use of my time.

There are also silly little things that redirect your attention… like those damn stools.  There are these rolling stools in the couch area. Every 30 seconds I have to scan the room to see if there’s one available because everyone using them as footrests just looks so comfortable and maybe if I was that comfy, I could get work done.

So that’s my struggle today… working in the library. It really isn’t going well.  Writing this blog post isn’t helping either.  If I knew I wasn’t going to get anything done anyway, I would have just stayed home and watched Prison Break.